Everything is figureoutable.

Currently, 80 percent of women in the U.S. are dissatisfied with their appearance. And more than 10 million are suffering from eating disorders.

• According to the National Eating Disorders Association, 42% of 1^st – 3^rd grade girls want to lose weight, and 81% of 10-year-olds are afraid of being fat.
• According to a study in Pediatrics, about 2/3 of girls in the 5th to 12th grades said that social media images influence their vision of an ideal body, and about HALF of the girls said the images made them want to lose weight.
• According to Teen magazine, 35% of girls ages 6 – 12 have been on at least one diet, and 50 to 70% of normal-weight girls think they are overweight.

Recently labeled “thin-heritance,” explores how a mother’s views about food, dieting, and negative attitudes about her body increase her children’s risk for poor body image and eating disorders… Just another reason for me to decide to end the cycle. Bella has witnessed me gain and lose weight over the years, comment on my body and hear me say, “I can’t have that” far too many times. If the physical and psychological damage we are doing to ourselves isn’t enough, we must think about the damage we are doing to our children, and society in general. With the huge rise in cancer (among many other diseases) today, we need to make our health a priority NOT OUR IMAGE. With improved health and wellbeing our image will automatically improve, but we need to stop flipping our priorities. With that being said, I will tell you what I have been up to…

For years and years I have starved and binged, starved and binged. The toll this has taken on my body has been huge. With the use of drugs like phentermine it’s all too easy to drop a quick 20, just to gain it all back again just in time for the next fad. I’ve re-learned through my coach Liz Garvey and a great friend in recovery from an eating disorder what I always knew and just refused to do… There is no fast fix. There is no magic product or pill that will make you lose weight. You literally HAVE TO do the work.

Over the years I’ve been focused on counting calories, losing count of calories, not eating this, only eating that. What these women helped me see is that there is no “good” or “bad” food. Just food, only balance. You have to FEED your body what it needs and what any body needs is calories, carbs, fat and protein in balanced amounts. I’ve carved out a plan for myself to lose about a pound a week, and let me tell you… for a chronic dieter with impulse control issues and a need for instant gratification this is TORTURE, but I’m doing it. I’m doing it because I am so dizzy from my own yo yo dieting roller coaster. I’m tired of loving my body, then hating it if it gets chunky. I’m learning to embrace the fact that I put myself here, and it’s me and me alone that will get me out.

How I started:

After getting on the scale one morning, and seeing that number…I texted my coach Liz as a plea for help. I cried. I curled up into a ball. I crawled back into bed and turned off my phone and planned on sleeping the day away. I hated myself. I covered up in blankets, thinking about how it was so unfair that I had these genetics. Why did I have to be the fat one? Why me? Then… something hit me. Why me? BECAUSE OF ME. I did this, no one else. I starved, popped pills, and then overate. I can’t hate myself because of myself. That’s just ridiculous. (Fun fact: A study of more than 3,000 adolescent girls showed that seven out of 10 believe that they are not good enough. They feel they aren’t measuring up in terms of their appearance, academic performance and personal relationships. The same study showed that 75 percent of girls with low self-esteem have engaged in “negative activities such as disordered eating, cutting, bullying, smoking, or drinking when feeling badly about themselves.”) So, I got out of bed, put my big girl panties on and made a plan.

CLEANSE PHASE

We all know how much I love AdvoCare products like Spark for energy, so I went a step farther and decided on starting the well-known 24 Day Challenge. I know, I know- I said there’s no magic product or quick fix, but… within the challenge there is a cleanse. I knew I needed to clear my gut, and eating well and plenty of water is a stellar way to do it, but I wanted a bigger boost. The cleanse has a probiotic, fiber and cleanse tablets that are full of vitamins, minerals and extracts that HELP rid my body of all the crap I was stuffing it with.

CLEAN EATING

I was always wanting to eat the way I wanted. I was rebellious, convinced I was going to do shit my way. Whelp. Here I am, nearly 40lbs heavier than last year at this time. I decided to suck it up and just pretend that I am an athlete. Yep. Me. Jeanna. I’m an athlete. I need to eat a certain way, feed my body at certain times in order to perform at an optimum level. Comical, I know, but it’s kinda feeling a little great. I meal prepped for the first time EVER. I decided to just suck it up. I know A LOT about nutrition, I just ignored it in the past because… well… it was easier to just NOT eat. My coach guided me with my macros, I downloaded MyFitnessPal (I added my coach to my friends list so she could see my choices and motivate/monitor me) and I just went for it. It really wasn’t that serious. I forced myself to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner.

It was fairly easy for my body to remember how to process 3+ meals a day (rather than one huge meal). I’m learning to listen to body, and its responding slowly but surely. My gut has needed a little more help lately, because my bowel has definitely slowed down, and my insides aren’t quite sure what to do. After my hysterectomy in 2012, and the inevitable shifting of my bowels to fill that empty space, I get some blockages now and again. Anyone that has had a total hysterectomy will, at some point or another complain about their stomach issues- whether its gas, bloating, or bowel movements. I added AdvoGreens Powder to my daily routine a few days a week to help things along. No joke this stuff SAVED me this week. I was really suffering from abdominal pain and THE ONLY thing that worked was my AdvoGreens. They are full of broad variety of phytonutrients, antioxidants, enzymes, prebiotics and probiotics that literally ended my pain in less than 5 minutes.

MOVEMENT

I hate cardio. I hate sweating. Working out is boring and PURE TORTURE. There are a few ways to get your movement in that I could somewhat tolerate, though. Instead of hating the treadmill everyday (which is in my hot ass garage), I signed up for Betty Rocker’s FREE (hello!) 30-day challenge which is only 15 minutes a day. Yo. 15 MINUTES. My coach asked I send her a selfie every day after completing the workouts, and I’ve managed to complete about half. Ish. I’ve also joined a cheap gym and attend classes a few days a week with friends to make it more fun and it gives me another way to be accountable. Not only am I paying good money for the membership, but the other girls are relying on me to be there with them as much as I am them.  Its getting cooler outside, so getting myself to the park with Ashton has been great for my mind while getting a few steps in. Looking at beautiful scenery and stepping in wet grass with a smiling dog should help anyone’s mood. I mean, really.  A few nights a week I do yoga before bed, sometimes midday if it’s been an emotional one… there’s a million and a half videos on YouTube that are free, no equipment ways to do SOMETHING. I’ve even got Dean and Bella joining in sometimes. Like, really… who hates yoga? Satan. Satan hates yoga and that’s about it.

Even if I don’t get through an entire workout, I feel better for just taking that time for myself and doing something to better myself. Getting that blood and oxygen flowing is THE BEST medicine for a shitty mood. Everyone knows it. Duh.

So. Here we are… My cleanse phase ends today, and now I begin the next 14 days of the 24 Day Challenge. I have only one goal for the next 14 days: do the best I can with what I have. That’s the cool thing about discovering AdvoCare… I discovered my coach. Sometimes we need to suck it up and admit we don’t know everything and we need a little help. This was ESPECIALLY HARD for me to admit, but I’m sure as shit glad I did.

If any of you want to learn more or need a swift kick in the ass, just email me. I’ll hook you up with my coach Liz, we’ll find some tools, and establish a plan together.

Remember my Liz inspired quote: 

 

Until next time… xo

at the park with Ashton

 

from the yoyo dieter.

I think I noticed being a yoyo dieter.

Early.

They made fun of me in 6^th grade for being “fat”.

I called other girls “fat”.

It’s nothing emotional either. It was emotional way back when… there was a stuffing of feelings then… when 10-year-old me sat in that chair and ate alone for hours and hours. Now though, I really don’t think so.

Nevertheless, I get so big that I have to pull back and get control again… to reign things back in. So I diet. I pick the nearest, greatest new thing. Metabolife, Adkins, Paleo, HCG, Weight Watchers, Meth, Adderall, Phentermine, coffee and cigarettes, laxatives. I was walking my ass to the gym every morning before school when I was 14. Went nearly 3 miles there and back every. damn. day. FOURTEEN. Like, what? There were no other 14 year olds in there. Trust me.

I don’t eat because I’m bored. I don’t eat because I’m lonely or have deep seeded daddy issues.

I’ve constantly starved and stuffed over and over again. For years. I learned “good” foods vs. “bad” foods. I learned only men ate the bread and the women ate the salad. I learned my Mom ate 500 calories a day at one point. 500 calories a day OF PASTA. Do you know what 500 calories of pasta looks like? Here ya go.

Ridic. Not to mention, the complete lack of nutritional value, but whatever.

I think gaining is just a loss of control. Maybe we fight so much every day to control so much, that we just say “fuck it” and let go? We eat the damn bread. We eat it because we are tired.

Maybe.

Maybe if I let go of trying to control something else I’ll feel well enough to always hold on to this one?

((Side note, I’m starving right now from looking for images for this damn post. Honestly.)

“The body is much smarter than the average person. You may trick it once or twice, but it will learn how to overcome what you are trying to do to it.”

The point where your body outsmarts you… Until next time, toodaloo bitches.

 

Family, family, family. Blah bleh bla.

Family is a mix of a bunch of coworkers, really. A handful of them you like, a few dozen of who you don’t, and a couple are just creepy as hell.  

Family is the ones you fight with, who you stop talking to. Maybe there’s a few that you liked once. Or never. Especially in Italian families, it’s all you hear. “But, she’s family,” they say. “Family sticks together.” “Family comes before anything.” Ya da yada. It’s also especially common for Italian families to write each other off. We will cut you out faster than we took you in. The ones you like, and you’re proud to call family are the ones that are like you. They’re someone you’d actually be friends with, and having the same view about Aunt XYZ is just a bonus. You like the fact that you share blood somewhere in there, even though it literally means nothing. It’s just nice to know someone else grew up kinda the way you did. 

One other hand, and a much more common scenario, is when we literally can’t stand the sight of the person. Maybe they wronged you, maybe they wronged your dad… Either way it is what it is. The fact that we still pull this ‘family is everything’ shit is ridic. Why THE HELL do I just haaave to be forced to tolerate someone that has completely different morals than I have? Because it would make your great uncle roll over in his grave? Common. If I don’t respect you as a person, I don’t feel we need to “stick together”. This isn’t Ellis Island in 1921.

The new, modern family is different now. We don’t rely on our families nearly the way we did back in the day, and that’s ok. Personally, my family was always just my parents and me. That’s it. Sure, I had extended family, but when I needed someone- that’s who I had. Every. Single. Time. Now that I’m older, I don’t have much to do with a lot of my family on any side. I’ve got my faves, duh. But they are so much more than family. They’re my friends and I actually like them. 

Point is, today’s family is a mix of friends and relatives. I can list more friends that would drop what they’re doing to be by my side if I needed them. We (being millennials or genX) don’t have to tolerate shitty people. I’ve had plenty do it to me, and vice versa. It’s ok! Stop the “family is everything” show. It’s dumb. No relationship should ever be forced.  

Side note: if you do decide to cut someone out… Don’t be a dick about it. Just slowwwwwly back that shit up. And, you must be prepared to deal with the outcome. If I am not too fond of my brother John, but I adore his wife, I’ll probably suck it up because I don’t want to lose her. If you’re going to write me off- you have to know that my mother and my husband are coming with me. It’s just how shit works. It doesn’t mean “family isn’t everything”. It just means, we are the family. It’s how I grew up- its how I (and most that I associate with) chose to live. That’s it. That is your priority. Anyone that doesn’t get that… Meh. I probably don’t like ya anyway.

Until next time,

Adios bitchachos.

Mrs. Fatty McFatterson.

Whelp. I’m getting fat. Again. And I honestly have zero fucks. 

Ok, maybe like .5 fucks, but still. I’m not killing myself, destroying my organs and hating my body because YOU think I’m prettier thinner. 

Well no shit. But, I can’t help that in a healthy way right now. 

I thought you were prettier pre-wrinkles. I thought YOU were prettier before you drew in your eyebrows, glued someone else’s hair to your your own, and pumped your lips. I thought you were prettier before your pointless fake tits. 

I may be getting fat, but my heart and mind (lucky you) are exactly the same. 

And, who asked you? What’s it to you what I weigh? Gah! 

AND… Stop fucking saying someone “looks great” when they lose weight. So stupid. 

“She looks good, gurrrl.”

“Mhm. But she’s on speed.”

“But she look good, doe.”

Screw your Phentermine. Screw your meth, your Adderall. Your diets and gimmicks and greed. 

I. Do. Not. Care. 

If you’re a judgmental dick that finds me less of a person than I was 1 year ago- piss off. You’re the type of douchebag that cheats on your wife while she’s home on the treadmill with 3 kids screaming in the next room. 

Honestly. 

I need a snack. I’m starving. All this typing and shit. 

Toodaloo bitches. 👋🏼👋🏼👋🏼

the spouse & the fight.

I go online to ask the gods of google to help me find some answers. I type in: should you have sex when you’re fighting? I find a Men’s Health article… and look at the shit picture they have below the article title:

Really Men’s Health?

Really?

This is your typical couple that we can all relate to? Uhg.

Anyway. I’m really curious about this. My gut says the most “healthy” thing to do would be to yes, have sex even if you’re fighting. I just don’t know how the hell to get there. Personally, I can’t even manage to stay in my own home when I’m pissed. I’ve driven the city, gone to a park, left the state… slept in my car.

But really- I don’t understand why couples fight in the first place. Like, we’ve been together all this time now, whether it be 5, 10 or even 20 years if you’re lucky (or not). We’ve been in these relationships for a while, and now, aaaaalll of a sudden, shit starts bothering us. Why the hell is that? Do we get bored, and so we offer less effection and attention to our spouse? Do we get tired of faking it? Do our electronics, social media and the MLB channel or CNN take over our entertainment rather than our significant other?

What is it that changes?

I think we all become one of two things: complacent or more ballsy. Me, for example, decided I don’t need to be on my best behavior anymore. I already won him over and somehow convinced him (in so many ways) to marry me. So I, in turn, decided I don’t need to keep quiet anymore. All these things bothered me from the beginning I just wasn’t willing to stir the pot. Now, however, Ive got nothing to lose- except giving blow jobs and nightly cooking. It’s a win win. For me.

What we should do is remember why we married this person. At some point, we thought the best of them. Or, we wanted to change them or hoped they would change for us. (You know, because we’re so freaking wonderful). For the latter, you’re lame. Never happens. For the rest of us, we fell in love with something. We admired their ability to figure out the tip without using a calculator, their desire to make us happy, their need for our approval. Whatever it is, we need to remember. Like, often. For me, it seems I had forgotten. All those wonderful things somehow annoyed me now. So, I brought myself back to when we were dating, and I loved how calm he was, and how he was so open with his feelings, and loved to talk things over. I loved his ability to remember, his love of numbers and baseball and nailing any MLB trivia question. I admired his passion and drive, his unbelievable determination to be better.

Communication doesn’t turn to shit. It always was shit. We didn’t fight back then because we didn’t want to create drama, or stir the pot, or break up. The couples that began with stellar communication are probably the ones that are still married today. Its difficult, and I am no example of what to do, by any means. I don’t know a damn thing about communication, and I know my relationships and friendships reflect that. But, shit. The only thing any of us can do is look to improve every day. Lucky for me, my husband and I share that quality.

Until next time,

Toodaloo bitches.

 

(the meds must be working.)

TNS

Some of the items I brought home yesterday: Mens underwear, my dog Tundra’s chain and leash from 1983, license plates, 1 plastic cup, Snooker’s ashes, 2 tvs, some furs, my day planner from 1999 (to include a CopyShip schedule by Quenby), a Bugs Bunny plaque, and WAY TOO MANY pictures of my dads cars. Like, waaaaayyyyy too many.

I think it’s all fantastic. I am also thrilled that of all things… He kept my Barbie Ferrari. IN THE BOX.

I stumbled across a lot of my Grams things too, ya know… Like wooden fruit in a bowl and a framed picture of her dog Rusty. (Same dog that I had constant nightmares about as a kid. Damn dog.)I took a few minutes to appreciate everything he saved, for whatever damn reason he saved them. I took the dollar bill off his bulletin board, because I’m convinced someday I’ll figure out why he saved it. I took the business card for the transport plane that took flew him from Havasu to USC for his transplant, and the calendar left on October 17th, 2001 when he got the call. I took the giant map of Sicily and found the pushpin mark on Valguarnera.

There was a beautiful sunset, and I loved seeing the glow of Vegas behind the mountains. It’s always good to be home… Regardless of where that may be.  

grief is a dumb word.

I realized something pretty crushing today. I realized I felt just as horrendous as I did in 2003, when my dad first died. Like, exactly the same. Then, just as suddenly I realized that I am grieving. AGAIN. Because now is when I do what most people do right away when someone dies. Having that house made his death so much less real. Like, he was just away for a while. (Really, though… Where the fuck would he go?! Seriously.)

So. Now here we are. Again. 13 years later. And, we found his wedding ring.

So, I suppose it’s time… Shitty as it is. Tomorrow will be a bitch.

Until then…

Toodaloo bitches.